who could be calling now?
by Jacob is so mine
Summary: One day Emmett wakes up and the Cullens are gone!They all went hunting with out him!All he has is his phone and it keeps ringing! Who on earth could be calling? Is it his family trying to apoligize for leaveing him? Is it Mike Newton? Who could it be!
1. Why does MIke Newton keep calling me!

**Authors note: This is my first Twilight fan fic. I love Emmet so I wrote it in his point of view. It's really funny so I hope you like it. Also if you haven't read my other story please consider. Well my other stories about Squidward so if you don't watch SpongeBob you probably wouldn't like it but if you do that stories also really funny so please check it out.**

Damn I'm so bored, I can't believe they went hunting without me. Me of all people can you believe it? I sure can't, I mean I thought they loved me. Who doesn't love me, I'm awesome. What was I suppose to do now, I guess I could bother Bella but then I might get stuck with the wolf, though there is a new dog park that just opened up, maybe we could play fetch, that would be fun.

Just as I was thinking this my phone rang. Who could it be? Was it my family saying they were sorry they left me behind? Was it a magic talking dog? No wait those weren't real. Hum, wait Jacob could talk and he was a dog, maybe they were real. Did that mean Jacob was calling me? Or could it be someone from school, Mike Newton. I bet it was Mike Newton. Wait why the Hell would Mike Newton be calling me? Maybe he needed help with his homework. Wait, no it's spring vacation, there's no homework during spring vacation. Maybe he wanted me to help him with a new training program so he could be as ripped as me. That might be it though I hope it's not cause if it is then he might get bigger then me….he might beat me up. There was no way I could let Mike Newton beat me up. I answered the phone.

"Hello Mike, I'm not training you and there is no way your ever going to beat me up so just forget about it!!!!"

"Excuse me?" Since when dose Mike sound like Bella, ha Mike sounds like a girl. Wait maybe it was Bella. Maybe he's got her trapped in his basement and she called me to save her. "Don't worry Bella, I'll get you out of that basement."

"Emmet what the hell are you talking about?"

"Wait, aren't you trapped in Mike's basement and you called me for help?"

"No! How did you come to that conclusion?" I swear, wait you were there, you reading this right wasn't Mike trapping Bella in the basement? Hum maybe I just came to that conclusion my self, never mind.

"So, what's up Bells?"

"Um nothing really, I was just wondering if Edward was back yet."

"No, he's still out hunting, can you believe they went without consulting me?" "Um...oh yah Edward told me about that." Wait a sec, the human knew before me, what is this world coming to? Oh God, does that mean the worlds coming to an end, the world can't end yet, there are so many things I didn't get to do!!!!!

"No, the world can't come to an end!!"

"Emmet, what the hell is wrong with you today, did you forget to take your medication?" Wait, I take medication? Since when? Huh, why doesn't any ever tell me anything. Hum, oh I get it, it was a joke.

"Hah ha, funny Bella." I laughed. Well not exactly a laugh, more of an attempt to bring my self back into sanity. Wait, I'm never sane, what was I saying. Oh no, I was going insane without anyone home, I had to talk to someone and now. Hum….who to talk to? Oh yah, Bella was still on the phone.

"So you busy today Bells?"

"Um…well if Edward wasn't back I was planning on visiting Jacob."

"Nooo!!! I'm going insane I need someone to talk to, you must come over!!!" "Why?"

"I just told you why, and besides we could do lots of fun stuff….like play barbies, did I tell you I brought barbies that look like the whole family, yesterday I started playing with them, it was so fun."

"Emmet, are you ok?"

"Yah, I'm fine, but you must come over, I have other stuff we could do too, like listen to music, I just got the Fame CD, Lady Gaga rules", I said as I started singing a couple lines of poker face. "P P P P P poker face." I yell/ sang into the phone. No one was answering. I must have stunned Bella with my wonderful singing. Or maybe she died it was so beautiful. If that happened Eddie would kill me. Ha Eddie, he always hates when I call him that, I wonder if he could hear me from where he was. I should test it out. "Hey Eddie, you suck for leaving me hear, stupid weirdo, by the way, I think I'm going to go rape Bella now, see you later little bro, and I don't just mean that age wise, or muscularity ha, loser."

Just then there was a beeping noise on my phone. Oh no, did that mean it was going to blow up, was it a bomb? And to think all this time I was talking into a bomb. Wait then how was I talking to Bella? Was she inside the bomb? Or did she record her voice and set the bomb in my house to kill me, is that why I was all alone? Did my family want me to die? Those bastards and to think all those years I spent with Rose, I could have gone for anyone but no, I spent my time with her, I can't believe she would betray me like this. And to think Bella put this hear, it's always the quite ones. I should have known.

"Bella I can't believe you set a bomb in my house." Still no answer. Maybe she was dead, serves her right for putting a bomb in my house. Wait a second now that I think about it, didn't it mean someone was on the other line if the phone was beeping?

So it's not a bomb. But who could it be now? Oh God I hoped it wasn't Mike Newton, why did he keep calling me? Oh wait it wasn't even him the first time. Well might as well see who it is.

"Hello?"

"You retard of course I can hear you, just because I'm a couple of miles way doesn't mean I can't read your mind and what took you so long to answer? You're a vampire, you have lighting speed, I mean I know you're a little slow but two minutes that was ridiculous.

"Mike, how do you know about my secret identity and how can you read my mind? Are you a secret agent from the government trying to hunt me down? I knew you were strange from the moment I met you."

"I'm your brother retard."

"Since when am I related to you Mike Newton, or now I guess I should say Mike Cullen. God no one ever tells me anything around hear!

"I'm not Mike, it's Edward." "Mike, when did you change your name to Edward, is it so you can get Bella? Did you get a makeover to look like him too?"

"This is in no way, shape or form Mike Newton, this is Edward Cullen now get it strait or I'll beat it into you."

"Oh, it is you Edward, thank God, I thought you were Mike, did you know he changed his name to Edward to get Bella."

"No he didn't…that was me talking to you."

"Wait, I'm confused, so is your name Mike now, wait is this Mike or Edward?"

Before I could get my answer I found out that my phone was disconnected. What ever, stupid Mike/Edward or whoever it really was, it's not like I really cared. Anyway back to Bella, if that really was Bella, I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Bella….are you still there, I'm sorry about the whole accusing you of putting a bomb in my house, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions." I said apologizing. Wait I was apologizing and she was the one who put a bomb in my house? No, she didn't do that but she did stop talking to me and that was just as bad. Well maybe not just as bad….but still bad enough.

"Oh sorry Emmet…..your singing-"

"Made so happy you were speechless….that's ok."

"Yah…that's right…speechless…good word." Hum still a little speechless, was this good or bad? Maybe I should start singing again.

"P-"

"Emmet please no….I heard enough last time." Whatever, her lose.

"So, are you going to come over?" I asked patiently.

"Um…I don't know, what else can we do besides listen to music and play with your Barbies?" Bella asked. Since when was there a person in this world who doesn't like music and Barbies? Wait that was it, 'this world'. Maybe I was on a different planet, maybe I was on the moon. Wait how the hell did I get on the moon? And how was Bella there too? Unless Bella had an evil twin. Maybe her twin was married to the man in the moon. Did that make her the women in the moon? I don't know but more importantly was this evil twin hotter? Maybe if she was I could trade Rose for the man in the moons hot Bella twin. I wondered what this girls name was. Well if she was the evil twin maybe it was just Bella's name backwards. What did that make? Alleb, that didn't sound like such a hot name.

"Emmet…are you still there?"

"Yah, I'm hear Alleb, so tell me what is it like being married to a moon man?"

"Alleb? What the hell are you talking about now, what man in the moon, there's no such thing as a man in the moon."

"Hey, if there are wolfs and vampires there has to be a man in the moon."

"Why are you even thinking about this?"

"Because were on the moon duh Alleb."

"Ok first of all it's Bella, and second were not on the moon."

"Not on the moon, oh I get it, so I'm dreaming I'm on the moon, this makes much more sense, I knew my family would never leave me." I'm so glad I figured this out…what was I thinking, my family leaving me, I knew that wasn't possible. But wait I'm a vampire, I can't sleep!!! This day just keeps getting weirder and weirder.

"Alleb, how am I asleep?"

"Emmet, listen to me carefully….you are awake…this is not a dream….vampires can not sleep…..I am Bella, I have never been and never plan to be anyone named Alleb…..I am not married to the man in the moon…..there is no man in the moon!!!!" "So are you saying that I am awake….and my family did leave me alone?"

"Yes."

"But why?" I asked sadly.

"I don't know, maybe it's because your so annoying." She said hanging up.

Gasp, I dare her call me annoying. What was her problem?


	2. Bella's affair gasp!

**Authors note: I finally wrote the second chapter!!!!!!!!!! I would have updated sooner but I had a science project a Spanish final!!!!!! But anyway, hears chapter two, hope you enjoy, and don't forget to review. By the way thank you so much for adding this to your favorite stories lists three people who did so. That's really great but you know would be even greater?!?!?!?!?!? If you reviewed!!!!!!!!!! So please take the time and review, even if it's just one word, I mean come on people there is only one review on this whole story, do you know how sad that is? Very!!!!!!!!! So please, please review!!!! **

After five minutes of pure agonizing torture and loneliness I decided to call Bella back and give her a piece of my mind, I mean I dare her hang up on me, so rude!!!

"Bella."

"Uhh, what do you want now?"

"God, I just called to tell you something and you make it sound like I'm so annoying and stupid."

"You are annoying, but just get on with your story, I don't have all day."

"Then answer my question, why do you sound so annoyed, was I interrupting something?" What could I possibly be interrupting that would be so important? Oh I bet I know.

"I know why you sound so annoyed, like I was interrupting you at an important moment, your cheating on my brother with Jacob aren't you? That's why you called in the first place wasn't it, to make sure he wouldn't find you about your little 'love affair' well let me tell you something human, my brother can do way better then you!!!!"

"Your crazy, I'm not in a love affair with Jacob!!"

"Bella who are you talking to?" I heard a voice in the background say.

"Oh was that Jake, well I won't interrupt you anymore, it sounds like he wants you back, you better go!!!"

"That wasn't Jake, that was my father talking!!"

"Oh that's just sick, three way with your father and Jacob, what is your problem, is Mike Newton there too? Or now I guess I should say Mike Cullen, did you know he was my brother?"

"Mike Cullen? Your brother? Four way? My father?"

"I know, disgusting isn't it? Well don't blame me, you're the one sick enough to do that."

"I've done absolutely nothing!!!"

"Oh that's what you want Edward to think isn't it? Well guess what, I' telling him the truth."

"Go ahead, tell him whatever you think the truth is, I don't care, he'll believe me anyway."

"Oh yah?"

"Yah!"

"Well why don't we just call him and see, you dirty little-"

"Excuse me, your calling me names, you're the man whore!!!"

"Oh no you didn't just go there, God, one five way and suddenly you're a man whore."

"How is that even possible?"

"You should know, you're the one over there in a four right now."

"I am not!!!!"

"Yes you are!!!!"

"Whatever, I'm hanging up now."

"No wait, I have to put this on three way with Edward."

"Gay three way?"

"Not that kind of three way, three way calling you dirty mind."

"I have a dirty mind, look who's talking."

"What ever." I said as I pushed the three way calling button to connect us with Edward. God, that did sound kind of dirty, stupid Bella's got me thinking like that now. I swear, she will never get past the horny stage will she?

"Hello?"

"Hello dear brother, I have an announcement to make."

"What would that be?"

"I refer to you as dear brother and you just say, 'what would that be', god, rude!"

"Ok, dear brother, what do you wish to tell me?"

"That was better, it started to sound a little fake towards the end but better."

"Yah it did, oh would you jus get on with it!!!!!!!!!"

"Ok, I would just like to inform you that your dearest Bella has been cheating on you with the dog."

"Gasp, that can't be true, you must have something wrong dearest brother."

"Oh no, I speak the truth surly and truly."

"He is a liar love, don't believe that rubbish….wait, why are we talking like this? Bella asked.

"Cause it's fun."

"Could we please stop?"

"Sure dearest love, I mean Bells." Edward said, god he always did what she said.

"Edward, why don't you believe me?"

"Because, you jump to conclusions."

"What if I had video proof."

"You have no video proof!!!"

"How do you know that?"

"Because, nothing ever happened, how could you have proof of something that never happened?"

"Oh, I have my ways."


	3. Jake says I need a physiatrist!

**Authors note: guess what People I made a poll, it's on my profile. Who's hotter Emmet or Jacob? Vote, go vote, vote now!!! Well actually please read the story first, but then vote, oh, and review!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 **

Since I was now very bored and had absolutely no proof I decided to get some. Now how exactly do you get proof on something? Well I didn't exactly have any video, so that was out. I could get a video of people that look like them but that would take way too long, I could piece together something with the videos of Bella that Edward had taken while she was asleep, I wonder if she knew about those.

God, sometimes Edward could be such a perv!!! Like seriously, who video tapes people while they sleep, and then watches it back, that's just plain weird. I bet if he could have popcorn he'd eat it while he watched his Bella movies. I can't believe Esme and Alice think those are cute, I mean are they just that sick too?

Anyway, back to the point, how was I ever going to get my proof? Well I could call up Jacob and see if I could hear Bella in the background, that actually wasn't a half bad idea.

**Ring, ring, ring **

"Hello?"

"Jacob, what are you doing right now?"

"Why is that any of your business, what do you want anyway? I'm kinda in the middle of something."

"Oh, in the middle of something!" hey, this was working out nicely, maybe I'd get my proof after all. If I did Edward would finally believe me. No ones every truly believed me ever before in my life.

"Yah, in the middle of something, can I go now?"

"No, I'm not finished interrogating….i mean talking to you yet."

"Interrogating? What do you want?"

"I want to know where Bella is right now."

"At her house probably, if you wanted her why are you even calling me?"

"So you do know where she is!!"

"Not really, I mean it's not like I know where she is at all times, she could be out with Edward or something, if she's not answering her phone then she might be…….."

"So your saying she's not with you?"

"No."

"So you are saying she's with you?"

"I just said no!"

"But by saying no didn't you mean yes?"

"No, who says no and means yes?"

"I don't know."

"Why do you even want to know if Bella's over hear?"

"Oh, I wanted to know if she was cheating on Edward with you."

"No, how did you come to that conclusion?"

"Why dose everyone keep saying that?"

"Because, you're a conclusion jumper, it's like some sort of disorder."

"It is?"

"Yah, maybe you should go see a shrink."  
"A shrink? What, so you could be bigger then me, I don't think so. Your sounding like such a Mike Cullen!!"

"Not that kind of shrink, the physiatrist kind. And Mike Cullen? What happened did you turn Mike Newton into a vampire too?"

"No, I don't know……it's a long story that even I don't know the half of."

"You never know the story for anything."

"Right, my family never tells me anything, like last week-"

"See, this would be a good thing to tell a physiatrist about."

"Really?"

"Um hum, I would listen to you but, one I'm not a professional and two I'm busy."

"What are you busy doing?"

"Eating, I have a lot of work to do."

"What kind of work?"

"Werewolf work."

"You're a werewolf, since when?"

"Oh, about three minutes ago."

"Wow, that's so weird."

I wonder if Bella knew he was a wolf. Probably not considering that he had only been a wolf for three minutes and he had been talking to me for those three minutes.

"So, am I like the first one t know?"

"Know what?"

"That you're a werewolf?"

"Go see your physiatrist Emmet!!!" He said hanging up.


	4. Very important notice!

**Authors note: Guess what? I have a new Twilight story. It's basically, what would happen if Bella gave birth to Edward's Baby but….it wasn't Edward's Baby. It had shinny black hair, dark skin, and it was warm….Who's baby could it be? I think you know. How did this happen you ask? When Bella went on her honey moon with Edward and never did anything with Jacob? Well maybe you don't know half the story…… I mean, what happened the week before her wedding? Everyone needs a bachelorette party right? Well something went wrong and lets just say a few people passed there friend line…. How will Edward feel about this? How will Charlie take it? Will someone die? What will happen to poor confused Jacob? Will he tell everyone the whole story? How will they break this to Charlie anyway? And what will they name this baby? If you want to find out then read it!!!! Read it, read it, read it, I swear it's awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!! It's the greatest story I've written on this website yet!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Please, please read it, it would totally make up for the lack of reviews people. Plus, if you hate Rose she might be gone forever so read, read, read. If you read I'll review this story faster(=!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **


	5. I got ripped off by a freakin hobo!

**Authors note: Wow, over three hundred people have read this story in one week!!!!!!! That's so cool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Thanks so, so, so, so, much people, you don't know how awesome you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! **

So after I got off the phone with Jacob I decided to take his advice and call a physiatrist, I was bored anyway, it was something to do at least.

Now how do you get a number for a physiatrist in the first place? Well…….. I could look it up in a phone book, or I could ask an operator but that was boring……I know why don't I go down town and ask people if they know a number for a physiatrist, yah that's a great idea.

**Ten minutes later out in the middle of a busy street somewhere in port angelus. **

"Excuse me." I said stopping an old lady.

"What do you want sonny, I'm trying to get to the doctors office, I have to get a hip replacement in an hour." She said pretty rudely.

"Um...what did I come hear for was………..uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh…………….Oh yah-"

Before I could even ask her about the physiatrist I realized she had fallen asleep……..or was she dead?

"Excuse me ma'am? Are you ok…….miss…..hey old crazy lady, are you alright?" I said shaking her a little.

"Can't you see I'm trying to take a nap, leave me alone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" She said hitting me with her cane.

"Listen crazy!"

"I'm crazy?!?!?! You're the one stopping random strangers in the street!!!!!!!!"

"You know what, never mind I'll just find someone else to ask." I said walking away. Let's see, who hear might know a number of a good physiatrist….oh I know, lets go ask the hobo swimming in the fountin.

"Excuse me sir."

"What do you want kid, can't you see I'm working hear!!!!!!!!!"

"You're stealing coins out of a fountain."

"You have your jobs I have mine."

"Well actually I don't have a job, my dad does, he's a doctor." Just when I said this that hobo's eyes lit up.

"A doctor hey, well what do you want?"

"Um…..oh yah, I was wondering, I guess this is kind of a weird question but would you happen to know the number of a good physiatrist?"

"Oh physiatrist hey, well that depends, do you have money?"

"Yah, like three thousand dollars, why?" There goes that light in his eyes again, oh and a little drool.

"I could give you your answer……..for the right price……"

"How much we talking?"

"Oh you know…………….a hundred a number, but you should know, I charge cheep, I'm cutting you a deal."

"Really?"

"Yah, my buddy over there, Steve, he would charge you around six hundred a number, your getting a real deal."

Wow, this dude was nice, giving me a deal, yah, this was a way better idea then using a phone book.

"So, what's the number."

"You give me the money first."

I know how this works….. "No way, at that some time or nothing." Yah…..I was smarter then Edward and everyone else thought, they so underestimate me.

"Deal, ok, I'll give you the first number and you give me one hundred."

"Alright" I said giving him the money.

"7."  
"Ok", the next hundred and the next number.

"2."

This went on for about three minutes.

"Ok, so 724-5682." I said as I dialed the number. Before I could finish the hobo was no where to be seen. Well, at least the phone was ringing.

"Hello."

"Hi, my names Emmet Cullen and I'm looking for a physiatrist."

"Emmet? It's Edward, what the hell is up now?"

"Damn it, that hobo ripped me off."

"What?"

"Well I was trying to prove my point yesterday and Jake thought I was crazy and told me I should go see a physiatrist, so I thought that that was actually some good advice."

"Wait, your physiatrist is a hobo?"

"No, I didn't want to look up a physiatrist's number in a phone book so I went out to port angelus and decided to ask random strangers if the knew the number to a good physiatrist."

"So….you asked….a hobo?"

Well first I asked an old lady but she got mad at me and hit me with her cane, so then I asked a hobo."

"And the hobo gave you my number?"

"Yah, wait does that mean you're a physiatrist, since when, can you help me out?"

"How much did you pay the hobo?"

"Well…….seven hundred dollars, but he told me his buddy Steve would charge way more and that I was getting a deal."

"……And you believed him?"

"………Yes…… so can you help me?"

"Emmet, you need more help then I can offer." He said hanging up, god didn't anyone say goodbye anymore?


End file.
